


Some Kind of Two-Headed Beast

by hardlifeyourlife



Series: The Highschool AU We all Deserve [1]
Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, Geraskier, M/M, One Shot, its mentioned briefly, jas and yen are step-siblings, jaskier's dad married yens mom, renfri has a bad family life, they have that energy, tissaia is a teacher
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:15:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23653696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hardlifeyourlife/pseuds/hardlifeyourlife
Summary: Geralt regrets offering to drive his friends to school every day.OR:Jaskier and Yennefer are step-siblings and Geralt has to deal with them.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Triss Merigold/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg
Series: The Highschool AU We all Deserve [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1703041
Comments: 6
Kudos: 158





	Some Kind of Two-Headed Beast

"All I'm saying is: it's bad enough that I have to see that broom-haired witch every day, but she was in my _bathroom_ Geralt. _My_ bathroom! Using my product that I spent my hard-earned allowance on. Do you know how much blood, sweat, and tears went into earning that 25 dollars? By the end of the week, I was practically five pounds lighter because of how much I'd sweat out. And the she-demon just waltzes in while I'm dreaming - my only reprieve from her presence in my life-" Jaskier had been ranting for nearly twenty minutes from the backseat of Geralt's car, obviously not buckled in from how far over the middle console he was leaning, before Yennefer interrupted him. It was for the better that she did so anyway, or else Geralt would have reminded Jaskier that it had been Geralt who mowed the lawn and cleaned the backyard for him, and yet he had not seen heads nor tails of the portion he had been promised.

"Julian, I'm right here! At least wait until I'm gone before telling any more lies about me." She said, raising her voice but not turning around in her seat. 

"And why the hell am I in the backseat right now? This is my boyfriend's car - doesn't the significant other get shotgun?" He asked, voice reaching an octave that Geralt had previously thought could only be heard by dogs. 

"I called it, Julian. You know how shotgun works. It's not my fault you wait until the last minute to wake up in the morning. One day you'll beat me to it but today is not that day." Jaskier took her goading as an invitation to reach over and flick her on her earring as hard as he could, quickly pulling away when she turned around to retaliate. "I swear to God if you don't leave me the fuck alone I'm going to tell your dad about how you go to Masque and let twenty-five-year-olds buy you drinks." She said, mentioning the gay bar he and his friends frequented as a threat. 

"And if you do that I'll tell your mom about how you lost your virginity at fifteen." He snapped back, and she gasped. Before she could respond, though, Geralt's deep voice boomed from the driver's seat.

"If either one of you says another word I'll tell both your parents about the party you threw while they were in Aruba." He huffed, not looking at either of them and instead focusing on the road. The siblings stared at him slack-jawed before meeting each other's gazes. They came to a silent agreement and slumped back in their seats. "And buckle up, Jaskier. One of these days I'm going to break too fast and send you flying through the window."

"That's funny, Geralt! I'm happy that you think me crashing through the windshield and slamming to death across the pavement is a funny thing to tease me about. If I didn't know any better I'd think that you didn't even like driving us to school in the mornings." He said, and if Geralt didn't know any better he would think that his boyfriend actually sounded upset. But this was only two out of ten on Jaskier’s scale of constant drama. 

"I _love_ going fifteen minutes out of my way to pick up two vagrants who don't even offer to pay for gas. It's my favorite pastime." If they tried to offer him the money he wouldn't take it anyways. But a little guilt never hurt anybody, especially when they were both determined to scream at each other the entire drive. 

"Oh, Geralt, you love us too much to make us take the bus. He wouldn't dare let me get on the bus when he knows Vanessa from around the block would love to jump my bones. She always makes eyes at me, Geralt." Jaskier said in a vain attempt to make him jealous, waggling his eyebrows at his step-sister. 

“I think it’s you who always makes eyes at her.” Geralt commented, no fire in his voice, focusing instead on making a left turn. 

"For the record, I was never worried that you wouldn't drive me to school. Do you wanna know why Julian? Because Geralt and I have been friends since the third grade. You've only been dating for four months, so please don't act like you're higher on the totem pole." She said, sticking her nose in the air indignantly. 

Jaskier rolled his eyes. "Please spare me the reminder. I'm sorry for being born one year later than all of you. If you would be so kind as to not mention it every five minutes that would be amazing." He said, crossing his arms over his chest and finally leaning backward instead of yelling in Geralt's ear. Now he could finally relax.

Even though Jaskier was a year younger than he and Yennefer, somehow they still managed to see each other constantly throughout the day. Geralt should have counted himself lucky that his boyfriend was younger because the idea of sitting between the two of them in all of his classes was not the most appealing. 

By lunch, though, it seemed that all had been forgotten, which was par for the course. By the time Geralt had joined them at their regular table the two were as thick as thieves, both bent over Jaskier's phone and scrolling through his Instagram together, not speaking.

Geralt didn't say anything as he sat, relishing the quiet for a minute as he started on his lunch. He also took that time to steal half of Jaskier's brownie without him noticing. 

"If you didn't know them you'd think they were some kind of two-headed beast who only cared about gossiping and judging other people." He heard Renfri over his shoulder before he saw her, nodding in acknowledgment.

"Sorry, I can't hear you from how deaf they made me this morning." He said, keeping as voice low as if he were going to startle them out of their trance. "I think her mom took her phone so now they're sharing. Is Instagram that important to you?" He asked although he got no response other than a middle finger in his direction from Yennefer. 

Renfri laughed, taking a bite of her burger, her eyes bright. Geralt hadn't seen her smile in a long time, and it was nice to distract her from her life outside of this place, even for a moment. He decided to keep it going, and gave Jaskier a swift kick under the table. 

Jaskier yelped, bringing his leg up to cradle it, jerking his head to see who kicked him. His gaze softened when he saw his friends, not even noticing as Yennefer slid the phone over to her side of the table, not looking up. Renfri snorted in laughter before turning her gaze down to her meal. 

"Hey!” He said sweetly. “I didn't see you sit down." He narrowed his eyes suddenly, reaching over to rescue the brownie from his boyfriend's plate. Geralt grabbed his wrist just in time, kissing the back of his hand before letting it go. 

"Call it a gas tax." He bit out, putting it on Renfri's plate. "And a boyfriend tax." He shot his hand out and grabbed the other half before Jaskier could stop him, eliciting a yell from the other boy. He tried to reach over the table but Geralt held him back with a hand, a grin on his face. Jaskier rounded the table with a feral look in his eyes, stalking towards Geralt with sudden seriousness. He seated himself in Geralt's lap without hesitation, causing his boyfriends face to go a deep red in embarrassment. "Jas, what-" Jaskier grabbed Geralt's face between his hands and made like he was going to kiss him. At the last moment though he grabbed the brownie, shoving it in his mouth triumphantly. 

Geralt was so distracted by the lapful of Jaskier that he hardly registered the change until the girls at the table started laughing at him. He blushed again, even the tips of his ears turning red, and hid his face in Jaskier's shoulder. 

"It's kind of sweet that you're so easy, Geralt," Jaskier said, washing the brownie down with his carton of milk before pressing a real kiss to the top of his head and wrapping his arms around his neck, ignoring the rest of the table.

Geralt didn't respond, only wrapping his arms around Jaskier's waist for a minute and mumbling to himself. Before Jaskier could ask for clarification a stern voice sounded behind them, clearing her throat before speaking. 

"Gentlemen." Ms.Tissaia's voice was sharp as a whip, and Jaskier jumped from Geralt's lap and back to his seat as she continued. "If you can't sit in your own seats you won't sit at the same table. Am I understood?" 

"Tissaia, quick question." Piped up Yennefer, and Jaskier's gaze darkened. "Is it possible to separate them now? Honestly, some of us are trying to eat and don't appreciate the PDA. It’s kind of embarrassing. For them, I mean." She gestured between the boys, a slick smile on her face.

"Kiss ass," Jaskier muttered, and Geralt had to fight to keep a straight face, kicking him again under the table but this time with more of a point to it. 

"Yennefer, don't make me recall the number of times I've given you a similar reprimand, I promise you it would be much more embarrassing." She said with a smirk before turning away. 

The table sat in stunned silence before busting out into hysterical laughter as Yennefer's face turned red. She smacked Jaskier hard on the arm, causing him to suck in a breath. "What the hell, Julian, you're always getting me in trouble! I didn't even do anything. She's such a bitch."

"Careful my love, Tissaia can hear insults from a mile away," Triss said, already knowing the cause of their hysterics even though she was just now sitting down, pressing a chaste kiss to Yen's lips as she did so. "She wouldn't give you such a hard time if she didn't like you."

Yen rolled her eyes, casting her gaze downwards and picking at her food. "I didn't ask for her to like me. God, I hate her. She shouldn't be able to talk to us like that!"

Geralt tuned her out, deciding that there were much better ways to spend the last five minutes of free time, turning his attention to holding Jaskier's hand from across the table and finishing his lunch. It wasn’t long before Jaskier’s voice cut through his peaceful reverie once again. 

“Wait, where’s my phone?” He asked, searching desperately through his backpack and ignoring Yennefer sliding his phone into her pocket. Geralt mentally added it to the list of things he wasn’t going to get involved with, turning to Renfri and giving a slight roll of his eyes as he stood to leave.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Comments are always welcome!
> 
> I also want to make a series out of this so if you have anything you want to see from this AU shoot me an ask at [i-am-a-blobfish](https://i-am-a-blob-fish.tumblr.com/) or comment and I'll try to write it for this universe!


End file.
